A Little Story of Magic
I would like to tell you a little story of magic. I've been thinking alot about this lately, how my world has opened up in incredible ways over the years. I've also had some tough times, believe me. Just like us all, I have hit many lows (truthfully, I lived in the Low Country far longer than I should have). The lows taught me to find a way to claw my way out. Sometimes I held on by my fingernails, other times I rose triumphantly.
This is one of those profound moments that leaves you with a sense that there are forces at work if you only can find the voice to ask for what you want.
So, I was in my late twenties, living a pretty good life- on the surface. I was struggling in more ways than one. My anxiety was reaching fever pitch, and I kept making the same mistakes; one of which was attending my 10 year high school reunion. I left feeling suffocated, like my life had been stagnant for a decade. Nothing like watching the popular group still beautiful and you still feeling invisible. Like, wasn't I supposed to be beyond this? Anyways, I called a therapist the next day.
I saw her weekly and she gave me all sorts of new insights and perspectives. One day, she asks me what I want. Like what, out of life? Hell if I know, I am just trying to hang on here. She tells me to go home and write down three things I want. Even if they are ridiculous and impossible, write them down.
I am not one to ignore a homework assignment, so off I went. Wish 1: Money. Let's be honest, I'm 28 living in one of the most expensive places around. I want money, ok? Wish 2: I want to know my dad is proud of me. Now this one was a little trickier as my dad died 8 years earlier. But again, I don't buck the system so I do as I am told. Wish 3: Gulp, I want to learn how to connect with someone. Oiy, where did that come from? Ultimately, I was in therapy because I had never developed the ability to truly love someone (holy shit, did I just admit that for the world to read?). I wanted to meet the right person and go to Scotland with him and take him to a place that is very special to me- where my dad's ashes are.
Ok, so now I am thinking this is a ridiculous exercise because I have asked for the world and the world will no doubt spit back at me. It will see my wishes, and raise me one expensive bill, a story of disappointment and never falling in love, because that's how it works in the Low Country.
To my amazement, all of these things happened, and they happened quickly. The next week, I got my first ever tax refund. Wait- they REFUND you money? Who knew? $5,000 which felt like a million. The week after that, a very old typewritten letter falls out of an old book on a bookshelf. This yellowed letter was a copy of a recommendation my father wrote for me in High School to get a scholarship. It detailed- are you ready for this- how proud he was of the young woman I have become. Now I am thinking my therapist is a goddamn psychic and I should never leave her side.
So wish 3 had unknowingly been brewing for a while. I was good friends with this sweet man who loved me, but I did not love him back. He was far too grounded, I only go for the emotionally bankrupt, ok? It's my thing. I date guys that I don't want to be with so I never have to get close to anyone and OH MY GOD there it is. I had been holding myself back because of fear, and when I let that fear fall to dust around me, I found that I really did love him- I know, it's like a Hallmark movie- whatever, get over it.
So we start dating. THE NEXT WEEK he is going to London for work and wants to bring me with him. Hmmm, curious. So I popped my xanax and drank my chardonnay (because I hate flying but I had a wish to cash in) and 9 hours later we were on holiday in the UK. Guess what we did that weekend? Damn straight- we took the train to Edinburgh. We rented a car and I got my third wish. I took the man that I loved to finally meet my father. On that cold and misty November day, a little butterfly hovered over our hands and floated in front of us for a few minutes. Well if I wasn't a believer in magic before I certainly was after that.
So what I am telling you is, make the wishes. Keep making the wishes and don't stop. Don't be afraid to ask for the impossible, because the universe just might find a way to make it happen for you. Smack that fear in the face and just start wishing.